Topic: Finances

Should a couple have separate bank accounts?

We do not believe that it is in the best interest of a couple to have separate accounts for the purpose of defining what is "mine" and what is "yours." Splitting financial benefits and obligations often becomes a representation of how they view their marriage. When a couple becomes "one" when married, they need to develop a mindset of oneness that extends throughout their relationship, including finances. Splitting of accounts is typically a result of either control or fear - neither of which is healthy for a relationship.

Topic: Friendships 

Is it okay for your spouse to have a member of the opposite sex as their best or very close friend?  This includes testing daily, talking almost daily, e-mailing daily, etc.  Why or why not is it okay? 

This is a great, but challenging question.  There are two issues to address for the spouse with the friendship: (1) does the relationship create a risk of infidelity (emotionally or physically) and (2) does the relationship hurt your spouse?  1 Corinthians 13:7 says that love "always protects."  As a spouse evaluates their friendships and other relationships, they need to ask whether a particular relationship fails to protect their marriage.  The first issue is difficult for most people to answer honestly as people rarely expect these types of relationships will lead toward infidelity.  However, the potential is there regardless of their intentions.  Next to your relationship with Christ, your marriage must be your highest priority.  This may require you to make difficult decisions regarding your friendships, particularly if the friendship hurts your spouse.  If you have any friendships that create a division in your relationship with your spouse, you must do whatever it takes to remove that division.  When love protects, it removes divisions and even protects the emotions of your spouse.  For the spouse that has a concern about the relationship, their apprehension needs to consider the next part of 1 Corinthians 13:7 that says that love "always trusts."  This essentially says that we should not be unnecessarily or unfairly suspicious of our spouse.  It is important to not accuse your spouse or pass judgment on them, but it is fair to express your concerns and fears.

The answer is therefore not simple as each situation is unique and each spouse needs to consider their responsibilities to protect and trust in the marriage.  However, we would suggest that a very close friendship with the opposite may not be in the best interest of the marriage, especially if your spouse has a concern about it.  When a spouse has a concern about their spouse's relationship with the opposite sex, it is often due to their spouse giving them reasons for concern.  For example, they may act disconnected or not communicate at the same level of intimacy as with their friend.  At the same time, severing the friendship may not be fair and could lead to other issues in the marriage.  As a first step, it may be helpful for the couple to discuss ways that the communication and interaction with the friend could be limited to a more comfortable level.  This could include the frequency and type of interaction.